I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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