I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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