Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
