please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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