as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
