Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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