it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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