brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Why is there bacon in the couch?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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