I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
