my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
