Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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