I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
