I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
