I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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