i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
