he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
