Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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