Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
