and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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