I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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