i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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