At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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