i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
