left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
