i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
