He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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