Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
