Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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