My nipple is on Facebook.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
