What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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