Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
