So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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