just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
