Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
