I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
