I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Be still, my beating vagina.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
