I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
