you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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