and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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