I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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