i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
