I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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