She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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