I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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