I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
