Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
