I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
