Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
