I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
