before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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