fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
