Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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