hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
cat food counts as protein by the way
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
