Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
