people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
