saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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